Value

I’m learning more and more the value of people.

I realized today, that I’ve taken this plunge into the depth of Love, and it’s producing in me this vast feeling, this understanding, that every day the value of humanity rises; with every child born, laugh shared, and hope remembered. All too often, we forget that we are alive; that we are not regressing in this day-in-day-out experience.

As of late, I’ve listened to people pour themselves out in conversation of bitter disappointment, blame, and frustration. But in all of this feeling as though they are on the “right” path- because they measure their being alive, in the feelings of pain, shame, and burnout. Thinking all the while that “feeling” means you’re alive; that they’ve given their lives for something, but that is not the case. I am not denoting negative feelings. I’m not saying they do not have a place. I am saying that they cannot measure your life; they cannot produce for you anything more than death, because that is their nature.

I know. I know “discontent for a season”, a season that last until hope deferred as made your heart sick. I know disappointment, in life, in people, who had “so much potential”, but because of a standard we are “raising” we hold mistakes against them as we suggest that their mistake now affects their life more greatly than the finished work of the Cross. I know sadness, depression that creeps in and makes its home in your emptiness. I know, the anxiety of “awakening a generation” and seeing it fruitless; fruitless because we assume that because we have a conviction, they rest of the world doesn’t see that we are just like them… alone, sad, and drowning in the chaos.

But that’s not right. Life is about relationship; relationship with Love, relationship with people. It’s about valuing people, valuing relationships and giving your best whether it is deserved or not. Humanity knows about rejection, it knows pain, and the damage caused by the hardness of hearts that forget to love more than anything; that that is what matters most, loving people, and being real with them despite their brokenness and they’re distorted views. Life is about offering hope to hopelessness.

The human Soul, no matter how strong, can only handle so much damage before it shuts down its light, in hope that it is no longer seen; that the world will no longer notice it. With this in mind… Let’s not damage people, let’s remind souls that they harness the ability to bring light to the earth; that there is always Hope.

There is always Hope.

A White Blank Page

A white blank page and a swelling rage.

After several busy weeks I’m here, writing again.

I’ve found myself in a weird place the last few days. I’ve got this blank page tacked to the wall of my office and every day I look at it, sing Mumford and Sons to myself and wait for the inspiration to write on that paper. That paper represents my life. Open. Blank; but boundless with opportunity. Opportunities I’ve haven’t been ready to take.

However, I like risk. The best friend would say “Anymore spontaneity and I’d jump out of an airplane… without the parachute.” I’m not scared of risk… It’s just uncomfortable to start with.

I’m more aware now than ever, that time is a precious thing and it’s moving at the speed of light. The world is quickly turning around me and I am trying to take it all in.

Brett Roberts used to say “Time is the most precious thing in the world. You’ll never get back your time. So, what are you going to do with it?”

Well, I’m 19 years old; and yes, that’s young but it won’t be forever. I’ve got this list of things I want to do but I’ve found myself waiting- I’ve over analyzed every option, ran a series of algorithms, and at the infinite moment when I should have had breakthrough… I still had a choice. And all logic and reason couldn’t change that the risk factor is high but the regret factor is higher and hell of a lot harder to live with.

I’ve got the whole world in my hands; and it’s wet and dry, cold and hot, bound and free. It’s beautiful. It makes me happy. Today, I’m considering taking the step, plunging straight into the depth of it all and maybe, … I don’t know… just maybe, I’ll write on my blank page.

To Be Announced.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.  - Douglas Adams.

I can identify with that statement.

See, I’m at this time in my life where opportunity surrounds me and I get to choose. And I find myself doting all I’s and crossing all T’s and making pros and cons list that would make most people feel like I’m hitting overkill; and I may be. But I’m looking at the next 3 months. And I know things are about to change, which unnerves me a little.

 

But its moments like now when I realize that being made a spectacle in the earth is less terrifying than living in a coffin like complacency. Nothing could ever be as terrifying as living in my box, gazing out its window and telling the world that it’s wrong; never engaging, never risking, never loving past the surface; never allowing myself the privilege of being seized by great affection.

 

With that in mind: It makes all seem a little less terrifying, more like an adventure.

 

So, expect an announcement of the next move soon. I don’t know how soon, but soon.

 

Whatever do you mean?

380

It happened.

It came.

And though I’ve waited for it, it still blindsided me.

For the past 380 days I have waited for this feeling. And though I thought I had prepared myself… I found that you can’t ever prepare enough.

This morning, I was at work, proceeding to do my job, when it came… the “I just felt Cambodia” feeling.

Now, if you’ve ever been overseas, if you’ve ever given your heart to a place, then you know what I mean. It’s this time warp that you step into, at no choice of your own, and just like that… you are sucked back into a memory that is so real it takes your breath away.

Mine dismantled me. It was like I could hear the familiar sounds of that place and feel the early morning breeze, that  is so pleasant before the heat overtakes.

It’s been 380 days since I’ve felt that breeze. But today, I was reminded that no matter what I could try and do, I am tied to that place. Forever. My family calls it the incurable “blood disease”, and it’s true.

Awe-inspiring in nature, Cambodia is rich in goodness and hope.

The streets of Phnom Penh are astounding. Sounds of construction work, laughing, 5 different languages all speaking at once and motos fill the atmosphere, as the smells of food [cooked in the highway], pollution, and soil are filling your nostrils. All the while, you’re noticing [with bright eyes], children dancing despite hardship, woman laughing despite brokenness, and men working despite poverty. I’ve never known anything like it… It’s ravishing.